Patience Please!
How to develop your patience
Recently I polled people about what they need to learn the most about developing confidence and they responded with, patience. Having the ability to accept or tolerate hurdles without becoming annoyed or anxious is an art but how does it help you build confidence? Here’s how.
You know what you want in life. If we were sitting across the room from each other having a coffee you’d list out all those things you desire, the tangibles (like houses, cars, holidays) and the intangibles (love, acceptance, belonging, security), the problem is knowing what you want doesn’t mean you will wait for it. Life doesn’t work on our timeline so being patient with ourselves and what is happening in our life can be frustrating. You can start to internalise that you aren’t worthy of the life you desire, and it can seriously impact your confidence.
When you develop patience, you reiterate to yourself that you are deserving of what you desire and that you can be self- compassionate. Self- compassion is one of individuals greatest challenges when it comes to improving self- love and confidence. You see it is easy to start believing that you need to be harder on yourself to get what you want in life or that perhaps not having what you desire is a consequence for not being perfect, doing this pulls you away from self-compassion and cements you as your most formidable, harshest critic. Sometimes you can even convince yourself if you keep being hard on yourself, refusing to forgive yourself that it will compel you to the health, happiness, and success you want- it doesn’t. You must be self-compassionate first, you also must understand what surrendering means.
As Tony Robbins says, ‘Life happens for you not to you,’ not having the life you want right now says nothing about what life will look for you, it’s probably more likely that the current timing is off. Today’s society teaches you about instant wins. It reinforces a bizarre discourse that you don’t have to work for what you want and that you can get everything you desire without any sacrifice. AfterPay’s business success rides on this entire notion. Anywhere there is AfterPay you no longer have to wait for what you want, so if you don’t have to why would you? Why strive to pay your purchase off as quickly as possible, its already in your hands anyway, you might as well enjoy it right?! It isn’t until people learn the consequence of interest rates, being overloaded with debt and financially strapped that they understand the new dress, iPhone or gaming device could wait. Because you are flooded on a daily basis with the instant win mentality it is already harder for you to develop patience, so you need to first of all become anchored in what patience teaches you about yourself, others and life and then take use some strategies to support that new mindset.
1. Why is it a life or death scenario for you to have what you want now?
2. How are you showing compassion to yourself by being patient?
3. What challenges do you give yourself every day to have greater patience?
4. What have you learnt about your capacity to be resilient through exercising patience?
5. When you seek to control your life instead of let it unfold do you estimate limitless potential for good things in your life or just what you want at this instant?
6. How would you feel if you could have what you want right now but God was going to give you something 10x better if you waited just a week longer? Would you still be happy with your choice or frustrated with yourself that you couldn’t simply be grateful for what you have?
These questions form a great basis for improving your patience. You can create rules for yourself that develops your patience on a regular basis. I haven’t had AfterPay for 4 years now and I’m glad, one of the ways I develop patience is by using Laybuys in stores. I still know I have the product but I need to wait for it and I pay in cash. When I see something that I want I leave it for a few days, a week and if I am still thinking about it in the same way, I get it, this way I truly know I want something. When I’m frustrated that I don’t have my hearts greatest desire I turn up the gratitude and notice what I have and I focus on giving what I need to myself to be the best me I can be. Taking that action helps me to be compassionate and reinforces that I am worthy of anything I desire. When I don’t know how to do something and I just want to get all the knowledge now and I can’t I realise that this leaves me with space that something else in my life needs.
Patience isn’t developed overnight. It is a great quality because we through patience we are looking to serve our soul not our ego and that helps us be more at peace in our life and more grateful with who we are and what we have. When we learn about ourselves through patience we develop our ability to exercise it over and over again and this builds self-trust and in turn confidence. You don’t need everything now, you have what you are meant to right at this moment enjoy the moment and don’t wish it away.
What strategies do you have for developing patience? I’d love to hear.
