Why people do not invest in themselves & how not to be like them
Everyone knows that action helps build confidence, still many people do not take the action that will enable it. Why? The action that is required to build confidence is not the same as lifting a set of weights for 12 reps at the gym. Action that breeds confidence requires you to unpack who you are, your decisions, behaviours, accountability (or lack thereof), when many start this journey they focus on the negative more than the positive, they become filled with self judgement and frozen in commitment. They do not love themselves enough to put time and effort into themselves and the life that they want. Everyone has the capacity to fall into this trap and in fact most people on the planet already have but aren’t fully aware of it. When you learn the reasons why this lack of self investment occurs you can hack your mindset and stay disciplined.
There are many reasons why people do not invest in themselves. All of these reasons are significantly impacted by personal perception. What you perceive is reality will shape who you are, what you believe in and what you have. One of the most common reasons people do not fully invest in themselves is that they have a lack of awareness. On the surface they are very aware of who they are but not necessarily their level of responsibility and accountability. Certain things happen in the person’s life that are often described as ‘out of their control’ and so they stop considering what they can control- growing as a person, accepting that you cannot control everything and how they respond to joy and frustration in life. For some they also lack the self awareness of what they really want and need because they perceive wants and needs to be openly beneficial to them not something that may confront them. For example, in love what you need to help you live a healthy life is not a person who says ‘yes dear’ every time but someone challenges you, questions you, demands the best from you- this doesn’t always appear as easy as wanting an icecream or needing money for example. For some they will be surrounded by friends, family members and peers that have the same level of self awareness so naturally they cannot get advice on what areas they could improve as a person or if they do their friends run to agree with them instead of contemplate the constructive criticism. The more someone spends time in this enviornment the more likely they’ll find others with wavering self investment and the cycle continues.
These types of social environments tend to easily create themselves because like attracts like. Each person in a group may not be the same but they may have the same habits- not questioning the status quo, going along with what others say, doing what they should do instead of what makes them truly happy. Groups like these are driven by low self esteem. Those with low self esteem will struggle to believe that they are worthy of the results that come from investing in themselves. They make inconsistent action that helps continue the belief that ‘maybe I cannot be successful’ and this mindset messes with their self commitment. The longer they do it (it could just be 2 days) the more their brain remembers that they didn’t do what they said they would so why back myself again and invest in myself, my dreams? It’s insidious right?
The crippling thing with this is usually the person struggling to invest in themselves also fears failing and that is a complete catch 22. The fear of failure is never eliminated by a lack of action. It’s a no brainer on paper but can be much harder to deal with in between the ears. Without moving the perception from ‘I’ll fail’ to ‘I get to learn new things how cool’ it is easy to commit half heartedly and unsurprisingly experience no more than half the desired results. Instead of raising the intention and committing more they chop and change from one thing to another convincing themselves that the lack of self commitment is due to their dreams or goals not being congruent with who they are when it fact the incongruence lies in a lack of personal accountability. If they do not stop this cycle it will repeat itself. Again and again.
In conjunction with a fear of failure other perceptions pop up to mess with the commitment to self invest. People believe that they don’t have the resources, time or energy to invest in themselves. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is definitely the case. But more often then not individuals say ‘I can’t do this because I don’t have enough money’ yet they gamble, spend money on expensive, unnecessary things, they have subscriptions to the hills and they could maximise their income so financial resources aren’t at the core of the lack of self commitment. In fact when asked ‘could you find the money’ people say yes I suppose I could sell a boat, car, take some more shifts for a short period of time, reduce my business overheads and could make it work. Those that want to make it work, do. However it’s worthwhile stating that those who have the self awareness to recognise who they are and what growth they need may also legitimately not like who they are when they are stressed and will avoid getting uncomfortable this is still something that can be eliminated with self investment. For those who say ‘I don’t have the time’ they are correct. If you cannot make the time you don’t have it. Time will not bend to allow you to invest in yourself, you have to make an active choice to do it. As long as you decide you cannot make that active choice you will feel guiltier and guiltier for not putting yourself first.
This is where I hope you can see that perception, taking action and self commitment is a vicious cycle. When you commit half heartedly you get what you asked for. IF you prioritise other things or other people instead of yourself and then use them as an excuse of not being where you want to be you won’t get out of that circle until you decide…I have the power to have what I want, to be happy and to be successful as I desire if only I am 100% accountable and responsible to myself. My actions= my results. It is really that simple. The desperate desire to want greater confidence is not enough on its own to elicit self investment. Self investment comes from a place of self compassion and love. You either show that to yourself or you don’t.
Here’s 6 actions to avoid being someone who won’t fully commit to themselves and their goals.
Take time to reflect on what you want and need in order to improve and grow.
Focus on self-care, which is an investment in yourself and can help you to better manage stress and other challenges.
Seek out new learning experiences and challenges, which will help you to grow and develop new skills and perspectives.
Prioritize self-esteem-building activities, such as journaling, affirmations, and self-compassion practices.
Set achievable goals and work towards them, taking one step at a time.
Seek out support from friends, family, or a therapist or coach if you are struggling to invest in yourself. Remember who you decide are your friends has a significant impact on you. If you take a pause and think about their self commitment and investment do they inspire you into action?
