Controlling how you respond to people

Responding to people who are kind, respectful and generous is easy but we aren’t always blessed with these kinds of people we are confronted by people with different values, attitudes and beliefs that challenge us. The conversations we have with these people can be downright rude and disrespectful so how do you respond to these people?

When someone challenges you are you responding or are you reacting? It is important to know the difference. When you react, you communicate how you feel straight away without a thought, when you respond respect comes first. You take time to think from someone else’s perspective, you take time to think about what you want to communicate, and you take time to answer in a way that honours the relationship. Here are some questions that help you do this:

·      What background is the other person coming from?

·      What beliefs, values and attitudes impact the other person’s opinions and actions?

·      What background, beliefs, values and attitudes that you have impact the opinions and actions you have?

·      What negative comes from a broader perspective in life?

·      What fear or pain might be driving you and the person you are interacting with?

Once you have asked these questions get curious about what investment each of your egos has in the situation. Ego wants you to look good in every situation, ego wants to protect who you truly are, it wants to keep you faultless and right. The problem is ego also destroys relationships. It is selfish in nature and doesn’t care who it hurts in the process yourself included.

When you are challenged by people think about how you want to be remembered by someone else, considered how you want to leave them feeling. If you don’t consider this, you may unintentionally disrespect yourself in the process. Here are some examples of when you do this:

·      You ghost someone

·      You pretend like things are great when they aren’t, only for the person to find out later that you have lied, creating a lot of angst in them

·      You lie eg: I don’t have the time because I’m working yet you go off and spend time with friends

·      You don’t acknowledge how you are also to blame in the confrontation if for nothing else at least for reacting instead of responding.

Always remember that you are learning just as much as someone else is. Remember that other people are just as anxious as you, no amount of good looks, money, success changes that. Confident people simply show up for themselves, respect others and in turn respect themselves.

The more you control how you respond to people the more your relationships will flourish. It’s not always easy but you can do it