Why don't people understand me?
Do you feel frustrated that those around you do not comprehend how you feel, the decisions you make or the dreams you are aspiring to? Its common. But knowing its common and coming to terms with how disconnected we feel because of it makes us feel frustrated at times, so how do we come to accept that we may continue to be the misunderstood one?
Everyone wants to be understood so much so that we almost pool understanding and acceptance into one category. If someone understands me, they will accept my decisions and beliefs. This isn’t true though. We know that people may understand why millions may have certain religious beliefs (or lack them) but yet we won’t necessarily accept them, instead pushing our beliefs, attitudes and values on others until they conform or feel uncomfortable. Similarly, we can fail to understand someone’s reasons for arguing for or against something but accept their right to an opinion out of respect. So, what’s the deal with us feeling this frustration if life dishes up a reality, we know all too well?
The key is recognising that the understanding and acceptance we want is not from the same person. We need to understand why we are doing something and accept it first and foremost. As for those around us, we merely need them to accept that we have choices not actually accept our choice. There is a big difference here. Accepting that you have a choice and I have a choice is different to hearing someone’s choice and only accepting it when we understand it. Understanding someone’s choice doesn’t make us capable of accepting it because we all have different values. We can understand without accepting something because like acceptance we can see how someone with different life experiences, expectations, values or beliefs could reasonably make different decisions, feelings or aspire to so called ‘unrealistic’ dreams.
The secret to stopping the frustration is to stop the fight you have with yourself. Someone not accepting nor understanding why you do what you do should not stop you from having what you want or feeling the way you choose to feel. They are your choices. Even when these choices may be negative or detrimental to your health, your choices are still your choices (and so are the consequences). Your feelings, goals or dreams do not need a seal of approval from anyone other than yourself. If you are finding yourself constantly fighting a battle of, ‘this matters to me’ with those around you perhaps a few things are happening.
1. They don’t see action that shows how serious you are about your goals/dreams
2. You outwardly appear to be fighting with yourself about what is a real priority and what you believe are your priorities.
3. You perhaps haven’t identified the real work that is associated with the goal- you are looking for instant results in something that will take time and patience.
4. You are trying to convince yourself that it matters as much as you say it does to others.
More often than not though when you share your goals with others you will experience resistance because people will not understand your goal. This particularly applies to entrepreneurs with online businesses. Online business is essentially a new field, baby boomers couldn’t become influencers, nor could they have clientele in 10 countries and start a business with $30 or less. Trying to explain these modern-day realities to people who do not understand technology (regardless of age) is frustrating because they don’t have the basic knowledge to comprehend the very things you are explaining. This does not mean that what you are doing has no merit or that it won’t work. It simply means they cannot understand because they need to learn the topic first to do so. We cannot expect our loved ones to have the same passion and enthusiasm we have for what we do, as leaders we feel a drive to do what we do because we have been called to do it, we know we have an impact to make and we are in the business of making it happen.
To lessen frustration it is imperative that we stay connected to the reasons why we are motivated to do what we need to do, the steps that it will take and most of all HOW it is connected to who we are.