Commitments you need to make to yourself when you get in a relationship

Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing, you feel a sense of belonging and an immediate feeling of being enough. However, to keep a relationship going well you need to prioritise a commitment to yourself, this way you won’t look back on your time and think ‘I lost myself’. This tends to happen in toxic and positive relationships and it’s nothing to do with the partner but rather about how much you value yourself. Here are 10 commitments you need to make to yourself when you get in a relationship, they are perfect for newly coupled individuals or people looking to sustain a great relationship for life. Take a read.

1.    Respect yourself and your partner. Your partner should feel like you value them, you are proud of them and that you are proud to be theirs. You need to ensure that you appreciate their boundaries and make amends when you make mistakes. This means showing respect in your love and the way you apologise (which you will inevitably have to do if you want a positive relationship). Respect yourself by maintaining (and creating if you haven’t already) your life outside of the relationship. This gives them space to think, be with other men to talk about things, have fun and bring the best back to the relationship.

2.    Set boundaries and communicate them effectively. Know what your boundaries are and explain to others why they exist. They don’t have to understand it but your partner should respect them, just as you should respect their boundaries. Do not expect your partner to know what you believe is a basic standard if you do not teach them what is. Remember boundaries are like the blueprint for how to love someone. They help your partner please you.

3.    Be honest and open in your communication. You learn so much about yourself when you are in a relationship with someone else. It will bring to the surface how you formed attachments over time, past pain and experiences. Be honest about how this is making you feel, what your concerns are and what you would like to happen. Many people focus on their concerns but not what they wish to happen. This can make others feel like you don’t get a chance to prove you aren’t the same as whatever or whomever was in your past. Start fresh and do this on repeat while you learn more about each other.

4.    Make time for yourself and your partner. Schedule date nights but also do the important little things- talk without the tv on, the mobile phone near, go and take a walk with your dog, check out something together and organise to do these things regularly.

5.    Respect each other’s opinions, beliefs, and values. You probably have some similar values to each other and it’s part of what makes you well connected however it doesn’t mean your opinions and beliefs will be the same and in fact its healthy if they aren’t. Over time these things will change, and your values may too, focus on the relationship first not who is right. Be humble.

6.    Work together to build a strong and healthy relationship. Have a commitment to both contribute to the relationship. Just like when you first started dating, you only maintain interest if the other party puts in effort. If you feel like strength in the relationship is waning, then talk about and remember that sometimes a healthy relationship means one person compromises while another wins and then the roles reverse. This is still a healthy relationship, but you should define how long the partner (or yourself) makes the sacrifice.

7.    Show appreciation for each other. Use words, gifts, physical affection, acts of service and quality time to show gratitude for your partner. If you really want to hit it out of the ballpark learn their love language to see what ways they feel appreciated most, it’s a game changer.

8.    Be supportive of each other's goals and dreams. Before you were in a relationship you had individual goals and dreams, now you still have them. Encourage your partner to follow through on these things so that you do not become bitter or them of you.

9.    Be willing to compromise and discuss any conflicts. You are going to have conflict, recognise that and decide what way you think is best to deal with it. If you are someone who avoids conflict or deals with conflict in a particular way communicate that to your partner so they know you are not rejecting them but rather looking to cope so that you can be the best person you can in the relationship.

10. Agree to work on the relationship even when things get tough. Remember that there are going to be challenges in your life, their life and things you go together as your own family unit (things that impact both of you at once), focus on getting back to where you first fell in love and commit again to the first 9 things if you’ve stopped committing to one or more of them.