What to do when your ex moves on first
When you break up from a relationship the last thing you expect is for your ex to move on really quickly but unfortunately sometimes that happens. You know that you don't want to be with your ex you know that they're not the right person for you you know that they don't bring the best out of you and that staying with them would be a mistake however you can't help but think how are they able to move on an I'm not?
It makes perfect sense how we would feel like we are somehow less than our ex partner because we haven't moved on yet however moving on isn't a sign that we're into a healthy relationship nor is it a sign that we were the problem in the relationship. Now granted probably one of the most challenging questions that we all need to ask ourselves whenever we come out of a relationship is what was my role to play in the downfall of it. This isn't an easy question but it's a really important question that we need to ask ourselves be cause there are two people in a relationship so even if you are not directly doing something you may be indirectly allowing certain behaviours by what boundaries you don't communicate to your partner. Your perception of a relationship may be the thing that is stopping you from having a healthy relationship.
Many of us have an idea about what a relationship means for some of us it means that we're successful. For others it means that we are enough. These perceptions are pretty blanket across the entire society because they are the beliefs that magazines media movies stories push to us which is that being happy being healthy being successful means being in a relationship with somebody else. The problem with these stories is they often didn't define the quality of the relationship that we need to be in in order to have great health and well being and truly feel loved. You may have heard the phrase where you can be surrounded by a group of people in a room and yet you still feel incredibly lonely. Have you ever felt this before?
This feeling comes when we are in the wrong place. It has nothing to do with timing and it has everything to do with our choices. When we're in a relationship when we're pursuing a relationship when we leave a relationship we have an opportunity in each one of those scenarios to think about what do I need for me right now. It can be incredibly lonely to think about the possibility of what you need right now being on your own. However when you are on your own the risk of you being hurt are minimised. The challenge is to define for yourself how long you're going to stay in that hurt state.
For those of us that have ex partners who moved on before we did it may be because they've worked through their pain they've learned their lesson they know what they're looking for now and they've accepted that you are part of that journey or they may be completely denying themselves of that learning phase. This will directly impact their next relationship. It will certainly impact your own. Everyone wants to be loved everyone wants a relationship where they feel healthy safe cared for experience affection a place where they feel like they're coming home however you don't just find that in a person you create it with a person.
When you are focused on your growth you will find people that are focused on theirs and you will be able to find a quality relationship as opposed to just a relationship that enables you to create that life that you really want to live.
Put simply as someone asked recently what is the home that you would like to return to at the end of the day what is the home you would like to wake up in in the morning? When asked this question although I have spent some time myself thinking carefully about the quality of relationship that I want I didn't tap into the depths of how amazing that would feel and without doing that we all run the risk of being in a relationship that's just OK. With that said we need to be aware of the fact again that just because something is new doesn't mean that it is better and we have a responsibility to create a relationship where we work on relating with each other. So the next time you see your ex has moved on and you wonder to yourself why not me first I thought out of both of us I was little bit more civil where than they were I thought I was a catch maybe I'm not because they moved on and I haven't just pause and I think am I where I should be right now can I attract a quality positive relationship right now and am I happy to be on my own if someone doesn't want to create that with me?
