I'm afraid of being lonely...send for help!
‘I cannot believe that you can go to the movies, that you can take yourself out to a restaurant, attend an event will be seen solo on such a big scale how do you do it?’
Loneliness is something that nobody wants to feel as human beings we are designed to be social beings. We are designed to need other people. When we find ourselves alone it can be really daunting- what's wrong with me? What is no one want to spend time with me? Why is no one initiating catch ups with me is there something that I did wrong?
Loneliness breeds loneliness. When we think that there is something about who we are as a person that stops people from wanting to spend time with us talk to us have a relationship with us we make feeling lonely even more sad and hard to bounce back from. The truth of the matter is most people enjoy having time to themselves to decompress from their working week to come to terms with what's going on for them personally to consider how they can turn up better in their relationships to get their finances in order and because they once were somebody on their own making decisions just for themselves by themselves and that gave them a sense of freedom. A sense of freedom that people want to get back not because they don't like someone but because they value their independence.
When we are afraid of being lonely and we don't spend time on our own it really impacts how we learn to be the best version of ourselves because we are always in comfort we have always somebody elses ideas about how to live how to behave what dress who to date how much money to spend on what and where and we have our minds infiltrated every second of the day with somebody elses thoughts and we ignore our own. This is what makes us lonely.
When you spend no time on yourself for yourself you will become lonely. You'll lose touch with yourself you want to reconnect with who you are and you won't be sure how to do that. It's ironic really that an absence of being on our own develops loneliness. It's really because we associate feeling wanted and needed and loved with company. There are plenty of names throughout the world that have been created over many years around wanting to enjoy your own company and why that is a superpower. So why is it a superpower?
As we've said spending time on your own helps you to develop self-awareness it helps you get OK with being uncomfortable relying on yourself to entertain yourself and knowing how exciting and how boring you are. Think about it the last time you probably considered how exciting and boring you are for real was when you were a child then you are forced to think about OK mom and dad said we can't do that so we have to do something else am I creative enough to come up with a solution about what I'm going to do? When I finish spending a certain amount of time with myself what do I do when I become bored? In most instances when we become bored we discover another way to enjoy ourselves. We explore we learn we develop ingenuity and we also come to appreciate just how much we love company. This is a superpower be cause when we reconnect with others we're so connected to ourselves and we are so aware of how much we enjoy other people's company that we then suddenly develop feeling complete and happy and full of enough company on our own and also company with others so we end up dropping the fear having fun and embracing life more by appreciating what we've got and who we are.
Feeling lonely is not a nice feeling but determining what you are missing in your state of loneliness is invaluable information. Next time you wanna know how do I stop feeling lonely I don't want to feel lonely anymore what can I do about it ask yourself what is the thing I am feeling I'm missing right now? Is it a person is IT company is it an emotion like fun or joy or expressing sadness even, is it adventure? And is there a way that until I can be in the presence with somebody else I can give that thing to myself right now? Ask yourself that question learn how to answer in all sorts of different scenarios and you're going to find that you no longer afraid of being lonely.
